I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
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