just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
