Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
