How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
