It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
