I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
