I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
