It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
