man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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