A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
