I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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