She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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