Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
so let's talk penis.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
