What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
