I wish I could punch you in the face.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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