Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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