I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
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