he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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