I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
