it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
