I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
