we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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