the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
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