Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
