hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
