Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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