You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
