True but thats because hes a fetus.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
