I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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