is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
