Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
