i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Who died my cat blue again?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
