have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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