So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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