I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
