Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
