Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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