so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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