what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
