He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
