dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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