I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Two words: blizzard sex
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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