You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
