Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
