the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just found a bag of teeth...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
