If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
