You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
