If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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