I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
