we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
