Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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