i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
