I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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