Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Idk if I want to put a bra on
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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